August has truly been the silly season for North Wales police. BBC Wales reported that officers in late-night trouble spots, such as Wrexham, would be handing out lollipops to drunken young thugs in an effort to "calm them down". Kojak - eat your heart out.
North Wales, incidentally, is the area controlled by Chief Constable Richard Brunstrom, the top cop who believes that every road should have a speed camera, but that killing yourself with heroin is more or less acceptable.
So, you decent, quiet citizens of Wrexham... as you try to walk through the streets of your town late at night, dodging the violent, swearing, mooning young drunks, you can retire to your home safely - knowing that Richard Brunstrom's force is out there - with its strawberry lollipops, wipe-on smiles...and speed cameras.
You couldn't make it up.
WELCOME TO KENT COUNTY COUNCIL - WHERE RATEPAYERS' MONEY IS TRULY WELL SPENT!
Aaah, these "Conservative" councils - thank goodness they spend our money
wisely. None of this politically-correct lunacy which you get under Labour!
If only it were so... The April-June edition of "aroundkent", the official magazine published by Kent County Council has some wonderful schemes which local taxpayers have generously funded! How about this for starters:
"Teenagers from across Kent are helping KCC to create innovative new 'teen' villages - complete with skate parks, basketball courts and 'kick-walls' - to provide safer environments in which youngsters can have fun. Dover and Thanet Crime and Disorder Reduction Partnerships (CDRP) - which KCC co-funds and partners - have built a total of 23 facilities across Dover and Thanet, providing areas where young people can skate, play games or meet with friends in specially-built 'teen shelters.'"
Meanwhile, in Dartford, the KCC Chairman, Frank Gibson, has presented a cheque for £1,400 to the Dartford Muslim Women's Group, "to help set up a youth group for young Muslim women".
In the words of Richard Littlejohn, "you couldn't make it up..."
A DEVIL OF A TIME
The Tory heartland (i.e. the Isle of Wight and a bit of Kent) was shocked by a Times report on the 21st January concerning the fate of IDS - remember him?
To those who DO remember him, Iain has been sunk in a miasma of depression since his blunt ousting by the ever-nasty parliamentary party. The Times headline pulled no punches either:
"Duncan Smith exposes the depths of his bitterness and humiliation". According to the reporters, "friends" of Iain say that he is very down, his finances not in the best shape after losing half of his £120,000 salary. And that's not all.
Dunkie's attempts to launch himself as
a writer of fast-moving political thrillers has fallen flat. His debut novel, The Devil's Tune, was regarded by the publishing world as a bit of a flop - the work coming in at number 51,188 on Amazon's list of books.
Maybe all this has finally sent him over the edge. Certainly his latest statement might indicate a temporary loss of sanity, brought on no doubt by the trauma of being a failed author (and failed Leader of the Opposition):
"We should be proud of the fact that when people flee persecution, we would have them here. That should always be at the heart of our policy."
Who said the Devil had all the best tunes?
David Blunkett's policy of sending immigrants to "citizenship ceremonies"
has run into trouble. Glasgow councillors have branded the oath of loyalty to the Queen as (typically) "inappropriate".
Meanwhile, down in Brum, local commissars would rather have "Fanfare for the Common Man" played as the oath is read, and not "God Save the Queen". "Fanfare for the Common Man" was written by the American, Aaron Copland. Might this American anthem not upset the city's Muslim population? Just how would this go down at the Saddam Hussein mosque?
The Tories are on the up - or at least that is what the self-congratulatory clique on the Front Bench thinks! Recently, new leader Michael Howard has been falling over himself to present an image of democratic - yes, you've guessed it - inclusiveness. Describing himself as "the son of immigrants" and an ordinary "grammar school boy" who is being "picked on by a public school boy" (a reference to Tony Blair), the Tories are truly marching to
the tune of that old pretender to the throne, Michael Portillo. Down in deepest Beaconsfield, the "democratic inclusiveness" has gone even further - with Disraeli depicted on the local Tory Association website surrounded by images of Asians and West Indians! Disraeli famously stated that his aim was "to uphold the empire of England", but this is just ridiculous.
VISIT THE BLACK COUNTRY!
Last October, using a large green emblem of the continent of Africa, "NEAD"
(that's Norfolk Education and Action for Development); the Norwich and
Norfolk Racial Equality Council - not to mention the Norfolk Constabulary's
all-important "Diversity Unit" - launched the county's "Black History Month". There was even a group involved called the Norfolk African Community Assocation - no doubt a body which gives valuable support to all those Norfolk yeomen who have family and relatives everywhere from Harare to Nairobi.
As part of the "Black History Month", local Norfolk people had the exciting opportunity to get involved in "African mask-making", and to hear some traditional "African storytelling" with no less a figure than Tony Ojo Ogogo. Those who wanted a slightly more political element could join the
audience at the University of East Anglia Law School for a stimulating discussion headed by Arun Kundnani, Editor of the Institute of Race Relations News Network. Improbable though it may seem in that county of Saxon-descended folk, the "Black History" promotional leaflet stated: "We
all share African ancestry, we all have black history".
Let's hope that next year's event generates as much support as the 2003 jamboree. After all, Tony Ojo Ogogo must now be one of the biggest draws of all time in Norwich - next to Alan Partridge!